Smexy Championship
by Bananawings72
Summary: It's the smexy chamionship! All smexy men are competeing, including Kaiba! But Kaiba will do anything, ANYTHING to win! Bwahahahahahaha! How will he stop the gang from winning! Basically, hularious! Not a duel!
1. Welcome to the smexy Championship

Smexy Championship

Other title: Mr. Smexy Universe

GO ME!

**Intro:** OK… this story is somewhat, kinda, sortof co-written by my good (NOT Bwahaha) friend JC! No, she doesn't share an account with me, we just thought of the idea together! (at 12 pm on a school night!) P-E-C-U-L-I-E-R?

**Real intro: **so, this is the Smexy Championship! Smexy men from all over the world (Japan) come to compete for the title of most smexiest man ever! No, it's not a card game… It's a model-off! Hooray! Who will Win! Who will compete? Who will lose? Who will die? But most importantly, who… will… be… proclaimed… the… most… smexiest… man… EVER!

I know……… Bwahahahahahaha!

**WARNING: THE BEGINNING PAGES ARE EXTREMALY GAY BECAUSE I DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO START THIS STORY…SO, TO BAD!**

Chapter 1: Welcome to the Smexy Championship!

"If you think you are worthy enough to compete in the Smexy Championship, than please, write your name down on a piece of paper, with all other emergency information, and through it into the goblet of fire! Bwahahahahahahahahahahahha!"

(O.O) from crowd

Men from all over the world wanted to be proclaimed the most sexiest man alive, and now, their chance was here! Every 10 years, a grand tournament was held, worldwide, to seek out the most smexiest man.

This tournament was called… "the Smexy Championship!"

Dun dun duhhhhhh

Only 7 men made it into the tournament, out of the 27 billion other men in the world. So making it in, was a big deal.

But who would make it this year, who would the goblet chose (for the goblet chooses the contestants, basically a rip off of Harry Potter)

Who will be proclaimed the most smexiest man alive?

Only a months wait will tell…

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One month later:

"GATHER ROUND! GATHER ROUND! THE GOBLET WILL BE CHOSING IT'S CONTETESTANTS SOON!"

It was time for the goblet to choose the seven winners who will compete for a chance to win. As far as anybody knew, everybody out there had put there name in.

The king of the world stepped up to his place beside the goblet. He would read the official names of the lucky winners.

He explained to everyone that when and if he called your name, you were to get up on the platform, take a bow, and inter the backstage door.

The goblets green flame a glowed a bloody red.

"Silence!" The king of the world yelled over the buzz of the crowd. "The first name is about to be given!"

Everyone fell silent.

"Now, I want you to all act in a respectable manor when the names are called. No bad behavior or rough housing. If any of this is spotted at all, I'll- OWWW HOLY MOTHER F'IN COW CRUDDY POOH!"

(O.O)

The goblet had flung a piece of paper at the king of the world, unfortunately, it was still burning!

"What the hell is wrong with you? You don't through burning pieces of filthy paper at kings! Commoners, yes, BUT KINGS? U'RE FIRED!"

(o.o)

"You can't fire the goblet, sir king." A youngest brunette had just entered the stage. She was quite pretty. Her name was Tea gardener. (duh)

"I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT! I'M THE BLOODY KING! YOUR NOTHING BUT A JUDGE!"

"WHAT WAS THAT!"

"Ummm… nothing!" (T.T) The king took to cowering in a corner.

"Now, I suggest you read the GOD DAMN BLOODY NAME, before the crowd over there goes into a riot! Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes'm!"

The king stood up and brushed off his coat. "Now, the first name is…

JOEY WHEELER!

Booooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

"ah shut up! Your just jealous! Now move your fat buts as I make my way up to the stage!"

pause, as a single figure moved through the crowd.

Joey hopped up on stage.

(O.O)

"What?"

"This can't be right."

"what can't be right?"

"This is supposed to be a tournament for the most smexiest men, but your"-

"But I'm what!"

"Uhhh…" (the king looked at Joey's raised fist and twitching eyebrow.) "N-Nothing, nothing at all! Please go through the back door!"

"Dat's what I thought!"

Before Joey entered the back door, he turned to the giant crowd. He still had to take his bow, or did he?

Joey put his hands bent by his side, and made a gesture, suggesting he was humping the air,…a lot!

"Oh yeah! Who's the man?"

(O.O)

"Dear God!" Shouted the crowd.

10 minutes later:

Joey still hadn't stopped doing his crude hump gesture.

"Ummm… you can stop now!"

"I-I can't!"

"WHAT?"

"Something has possessed my hands and hips, so the only thing I can do is hump air!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

random person from crowd. "MY EYES! THEY BURN!"

"Ok, that's it! Guards, please remove this man to the back room, so we can continue the draw, and so we may see again!"

Hut Hut Hut

Three overly muscled men come in (without shirts), and drag the ever-so-freaky-wiggling Joey to the back stage door. There, they open the door, and literally through him in the room. (him still humping air)

"O……K……! Let's continue!"

"Hooray!"

The goblet glowed blood red again.

"And the next contestant is… HOLYMOTHERF'INCOWBALONEY!"

(o.o)

"my fingers! MY FINGERS!"

"What happened this time?"

"The paper burned my fingers!"

"… are you physically retarded?"

"What?- NO! That doesn't make sense! It would make more sense if you called me mentally retarded, emphasizing stupidity, but physically means-HEY! ARE YOU CALLING ME UGLY?"

"………no…"

"DAMN STRAIGHT!"

The king of the world started unraveling the next name!

"Duke Devlin!"

Booooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

"HAHUMM" (couple punching sounds)

:'( "I mean… YEAH!"

And so goes on the next names.

Tristan Taylor

Mokuba Kaiba

Yugi Motou

SOLOMON MOTOU?

Seto Kaiba

(all contestants have entered the back stage door)

"HA! I knew I would make it! I win everything!"

"Well, you haven't won a duel against me, Kaiba."

( ) "Do you want to die?"

"Why?"

"because you insulted me."

"Why?"

"Because I was boasting."

"Why?"

"Because I made the tournament."

"Why?"

"Because I bribed- OOPS! I mean, because I'm so smexy!"

(O.O)

"LIAR! You bribed the king of the world!"

"NO!"

"YES! Now, you better tell us how you bribed him, or we'll eat you!"

(O.O) "Eat him Yugi?"

"Ummm… fine, call him only remotely good looking."

"YOU WOULDN'T DARE!"

"Oh yes I would!"

"… FINE! I see I have no choice but to tell you my bribery sceam! Well, I bribed the king of the world with a promise."

"What promise?"

"I promised him he could have a _sleepover_ with Bakura for one night."

(O.O) "BAKURA? How'd you ever get Bakura to agree to that?"

"Well…"

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elsewhere:

"Jolly good! I've finally finished my Berenstein Bear diorama for school on Tuesday! Now I can watch television! Hooray!"

Bakura made his way over to the TV and sat on the couch.

BANG!

"Goodness me! What in the bloody good crumpets was that?"

"Ryou Bakura?"

"Yes?"

"Your coming with us!"

"WHA?"

The guards who had come through the smashed open door, all grabbed Bakura and dragged him outside the door. Never to be seen again. Or was he?

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(O.O) "You are soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo screwed!"

"Oh really?"

"yes!"

"Damn!"

…

"By the way Yugi, why the devil is your grandpa here?"

"Oh, I have no pigmy clue!"

(O.O) "…Right! Well, at least I won't have to worry about him as competition. He's way too old to be smexy! And Joey's too ugly (not in my opinion), Tristan's too hobosexual, (yes, hobo), Mokuba's too younge, (but damn cute), Yugi's too shrimpy, fat, sexually challenged, poor, stupid, retarded faggish"-

"I'm standing right here!"

-"So the only real competition I have is Duke!"

"Umm, excuse me! I hope you don't mind me asking, but who the BLOODY HELL are you?"

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"Well, thankyou for trying out this year, but as you can see, the final contestants have all been chosen! The tournament will start tomorrow, so you can all GET THE HELL OFF MY LAWN! GO HOME! YOU BUNCH OF LOSERS!"

(O.O) "Hey, that was mean!"

"Let's have another election!"

"Yeah! I want a new king!"

"Bwahahahahahahhahahahahaha! Kings aren't chosen by elections! It's bloodline! The only way for a new king is if I have a son! So… if you want a new king, you better give me all the woman in the world, so a new king can be made! Bwahahahahaha!"

"Sure, sounds reasonable enough! Let's get all the girls!"

"hooray!"

"GREAT! Now, let- HEY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING OUT HERE?"

"Well, there is four other kids down there who told us they go a to a wizarding school called Hogwarts. They said they were elected to compete in the triwizard tournament, but the fourth contestant is some guy with a gay name, Harry Potter, and he's the chosen one who defeated some guy named lord Voldemort, and apparently he defeated him at birth, instantly killing him, but now they found out he isn't dead, so they are trying to convince the ministry of magic, but that's another story, anyways, the triwizard tournament"-

"SHUT UP!"

(O.O)

"What?"

"What else?"

"… I'm sooo confused."

"Huff! Did you go into the door on the left or right?"

"Left."

"YOU STUPID RETARDED FIG BUTTERPOOPINGBABBLBERRRY"-

(O.O) "That was mean!"

"SO? WHAT YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT? THE ONLY THING THAT WOULD HELP YOUR CAUSE WOULD BE TO GIVE ME GIRLS! DO I SEE ANY GIRLS? N-O! SO GO HOME AND BE AT THE NATIONAL FOUNTAIN PARK TOMORROW OR YOU'RE DISQUALIFIED! GOOD DAY!"

(O.O) (X.X)

"O-…K…!"

Everyone goes home for the night, to get a goodnight sleep.

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AC: what an awesome story! You can tell this is gonna turn out good! And funny! I'm tired of writing so I'll type the first thing that comes to mind.

I went shopping today, and I spent 50 dollars on nothing! I'm sooooo upset! I was saving up my money, and I wasted it! GOD!

Things I bought:

20 dollar smexy shirt (long army t-shirt)

smoothie

giant choco bar (HUGE)

bertie bots every flavour beans (no, really)

undies (bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha, they were expensive! 9 dollars for one pair!)

Well, whatever, I'm going!


	2. Cookies? ThaT'S sTUPID!

Smexy Championship

Oh! I'ze a beeze a backs! Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum!

It's sortof funny, cause I never left! You see, when I make a story, I always post the first three chappies together! That way, you can decide if you really want to finish reading my story, with a bigger selection and sample! Hooray!

(excluding one shots)

This is my third story! Hooray! I believe I have this story scheduled for 5 chappies! NOT A LOT I KNOW! But my previous story is **25 **chapters already, and I only started 3 months ago! It's extremely long, because I'm having difficulty on finding ways to end it! I'm still not finished!

So I finally decided "screw it!" I'm started this story, cause I've waited long enough!

**Special thankyou to: **JC (not my partner AR), because she helped me come up with this story! Without you, it wouldn't exist!

**Special MEAN SNIDE SARCASTIC thankyou to:** AR! Who didn't help at all! Bugger face!

**JUST SO YOU KNOW: ** I will talk about the the person AR a lot, so just to clarify things, AR is my partner. NO! NOT THAT KIND OF PARTNER! He/She is my writing partner, we share an account! I am "AC"! She/he has written the story "The Stupid Idiot", it's hilarious! So check it out! And while your at it, check out my other stories, "Seta Kaibelle", and "Beating up a CEO in a back alley!". Ummm… Seta Kaibelle has a really stupid title, but it's not what you think! Or is it? Read the summaries.

Chapter 2:

Seto Kaiba sat in his parlor, drinking brandy.

(huge smack) "OWWW! What was that for?"

"HE'S FRICKEN SIXTEEN! HE CAN'T DRINK BRANDY! WHAT THE HELLS A MATTER WITH YOU?" My oh-so-beloved editor says while giving me a spit shower.

"FINE! B-But I like him drinking, you never know what he could do when he's drunk!" (evil snicker)

(O.O) "WHAT? All the more reason to change it! Now… CHANGE IT!"

"huff!"

Seto Kaiba sat in his parlor drinking "POOH!"

(O.O) "NOW YOUR JUST BEING DIFFICULT! NOBODY WANTS TO HEAR ABOUT A GUY DRINKING POOH! YOU SHOULD HAVE SAID CHOCOLATE MILK! IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE! SMARTEN UP! JUST BECAUSE EYOU CAN'T GET YOUR WAY, DOESN'T MEAN YOU HAVE TO RUIN THE STORY FOR EVERYONR ELSE!"

"It's my bloody story, and if I want him to drink pooh, than that's what he'll drink!"

"GOD DAMNIT! FINE, LET HIM DRINK POOH! BUT I'M GIVING A MESSAGE TO THE READERS!

ATTENTION: the word "pooh" is to be defined as chocolate milk!

-

Seto Kaiba sat in his parlour drinking pooh. A huge huff escaped his mouth.

He threw back his head, and took another loud gulp of pooh.

"I'll win that competition if it's the last thing I do!"

He through his cup at the wall and large portions of pooh splattered everywhere.

"This is one competition I'm NOT letting Yugi beat me at! I will win! No matter what! No one will stop me! Bwahhahahahaha!"

Ring… ring…

"Yes oh mighty Mr. Kaiba?"

For Kaiba had rung his little silver bell, calling one of his servants to his side.

"Clean up this pooh! Bwahajhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!"

Seto Kaiba left his parlor, to get ready for the tournament.

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At National Fountain park:

"good, I see all the contestants are here. Now, let's go over the rules and regulations, shall we?"

The King of the world, stood before the 7 contestants, and took out a large piece of paper.

"1: if you are caught cheating, you will be automatically disqualified

2: no steroids

3: the final word is given by, and only by the judges. You must respect their decisions, and nothing can alter their choice

4: if you fail to show up to a contest, you are automatically disqualified

5: failure to complete a task, will stand in disqualification

6: and basically, if you do anything mean, you are disqualified"

"Got it?"

"No…"

"failure to complete a task, will stand in disqualification

6: and basically, if you do anything mean, you are disqualified"

"Got it?"

"Yep"! Chanted the contestants.

"Good, now the first contest is a simple one!"

"Hooray!"

"You will be selling cookies!"

…?

"WHAT?" (O.O)

"You heard me, you will be selling these Smexy patented cookies! You can only sell them in Domino city, and the person who makes over 500 dollars first, wins! The person who sells the least, and doesn't make it over 500, is disqualified."

…

"So everyone, grab a box of cookies and get selling! The contest will end at 4:00! Remember, the judges have the final say!

"This is gonna womp!"

"OH! ONE MORE THING! Any one caught using their own money, will be disqualified!" Everyone eyed Seto Kaiba.

"What? You think I'm that low as to use my own money? Well than, you're all idiots!" In truth, that is EXACTLY what Kaiba was planning to do.

"CONTEST BEGIN!"

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"Eugh!... Stupid cookies! Why do I even have to do such a degrading task anyway?" Kaiba sulked, while walking down the street with a large box strapped to his chest!

"I absolutely refuse to be as belittled in such a way, to actually sell cookies! I am sooooooooooo not doing that!"

Kaiba took his cookies and dumped them in a ditch. He then started on his way to The Domino City bank.

"Hello! How may I help you?" Said a cheery voice from behind a counter.

Seto eyed the girl. She was tall, fat, chunky, hairy, eating a fish on a stick, three moles on the left side of her face, unplucked eyebrows, errr… eyebrow that strongly resembled a caterpillar and a boogey nugget in her right nostril.

"Maybe me and you can go out some time?" The girl suggested batting her eyelids.

"**DEAR… GOD!" **Seto Kaiba fell over and feinted.

2 hours later:

Seto woke up on a hard floor with about 8 people staring at him.

"What is it mommy?" Asked a child.

"It's a hobo… DON'T TOUCH IT!" Screamed the mother, upon seeing her child hold out a finger.

"I'm not a hobo!" He yelled back at the lady.

I hours worth of a lecture about who he is and what he is capable of doing later:

"Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go to the bank.!"

(O.O)

There was a line up going through the whole bank.

"DAMN! Oh well… it's only old lady's. No one will miss them."

With that, Seto Kaiba took a grocery carte, and shoved it down the line. People upon people piled into the cart (mostly old lady's), and soon, it was 43 feet high!

Kaiba kicked the cart out the door, and made his way to the bank counter.

(yells and screams came from outside the door)

Lucky for him, the other lady's shift ended 1 hour ago, so a new man took her place.

"Hi, how may I help you?"

"I would like a deposit from my bank please."

"How much?"

_Hmmm… I need a high believable amount that won't make it seem like I'm cheating. _

"2.8 billion, please."

(O.O)

The man fell over and feinted.

"Do I have to do everything myself! Gosh damnit! Fine, I'll just use the money in my wallet, and hope I have enough!"

Kaiba dug in his wallet, but only found 12 thousand dollars.

"Damnit! This won't be enough! Oh well…"-

"HEY! What do ya tink ya doin, Kaiba?"

"Uh oh…"

"I saw dat! You's a cheatin!"

"What are you talking about mutt?"

"You took money from your own wallet!"

Kaiba stared at the mutt in front of him who was carrying two boxes of cookies. _How did he find out my brilliant scheme? There's only one thing to do now…_

"Ummm… no I wasn't. I was… was… was taking some money to donate to the poor! Yeah, that's right!"

"A lie if I ever heard one!"

"NO REALLY! You can, … you can even come donate it to the poor with me!"

"Really?"

_Dope! What an idiot I am!_

"Ummm… yeah, come on, let's go."

Kaiba turned around and started heading down the street. Joey followed.

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"Kaiba, what kind of charity program is dis?" Joey asked rubbing his arms.

The two had been walking for half an hour, and right now, they were in a deserted part of town, that was completely run down. The getto.

Kaiba turned onto a dark alley.

"We're almost there, came on, this is a shortcut!"

"I don't tink so…"

"Sure it is!"

The alley was full of old boxes, and pieces of garbage.

"Dis charity place gives ma da willy's!"

"We're her!"

Joey looked around. "Here?"

"NOW YOU DIE!" Kaiba punched Joey in the stomach.

"OOFIN OOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Kaiba took a vase on the floor and smashed it over Joey's head.

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From outside the alley, all you could hear was many punches, a gunshot, many things smashing and a few curse words!

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12 minutes later:

Kaiba walked out of the alley wiping his hands.

"Now… back to business! Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahaha-OH SHIT! It's 3:52! I'm not gonna make it!"

(challenge ends at 4:oo)

"AAARrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggghhhhhh out of my way!" Screamed Kaiba shoving a man into a brick wall, when he clearly had lot's of room to run.

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Almost all the contestants were at the park waiting, except for two.

"OK, the contest ends"-

"WAIT!"

"…NOW!"

Kaiba ran into the park, smashing into YuGi, who flew 7 meters and fell into the grand fountain.

"HEY! You got me wet!"

"SHUT UP! The only important thing is that I made it!"

"You know, he's right."

"SHUT UP!"

"That's it! Time to find out who won the contest!"

"Hooray!"

"OK, everyone, how much did you make, and show me the money."

Everyone took out a bag.

Yugi-700 dollars (he didn't know how to sell cookies, so he spent the whole day sitting on the street, wrapped in a blanket thinking. People thought he was a poor bum, so they gave him money, When time was up, he had 700 dollars)

Mokuba-756 dollars( he was so darn cute!)

Grandpa- 890 dollars (he owns his own shop, I think he knows how to sell a product)

Duke- 692 dollars (lot's of fan girls circulate him, so he had lot's of people to sell to)

Seto Kaiba-12 ooo dollars (cheater)

Joey- X (nobody knows)

Tristan- 50 dollars (loser!)

"Well, I think it's pretty obvious who the winner is! Seto Kaiba!"

Kaiba smirked at everyone else.

"Tristan, you only made 50 dollars! You… are… DISQUALIFIED!"

"Damn!"

"Bwahahahahahahahahaha… I beat you all!"

(O.O) "Wait a sec… where's Joey?"

(O.O)… "Your right! Where is he?"

Kaiba started to whistle.

"Has anyone seen him?"

"Hey Kaiba?"

"WHAT? IDIDN'TKILLJOEYCAUSEHEDIDN'TSEEEMECHEATING!"

(O.O) "What was that?"

"Ummm… nothing!"

"Right… have you seen Joey?"

"NO!"

BEEP BEEP BEEP!

"what's that?"

"It's an ambulance!"

"Why?"

The ambulance skidded to a halt in front of the gang. A man walked out.

"Excuse me, but I have some bad news. Your friend Joey Wheeler"-

Snort from Kaiba.

-"Was found dead in an alley way:"

A giant gasp was heard all around.

"DEAD!"

"I'm afraid so."

"Oh No!"

"Well, I have no choice but to disqualify Joey from the tournament, as well as Tristan!"

"Hooray! Now we're closer to winning!"

Yugi started crying. "My best friend!" He wailed!

Kaiba smirked.

"Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha…Soon my plan will be complete and I will rule the world! Bwahahahahahahaha!"

(O.O)

"Ummm… Did I say that out loud?

Nod from crowd.

"Ah heh heh he……" He said rubbing the back of his head.

"Anyways… we will be holding a funeral for Joey tonight, at the Prickly Church. AND YOU BETTER ALL BE THERE!"

"Ummm… sir, I'm Jewish!"

"I DON'T GIVE A POOH! YOU'LL BE THERE NO MATTER WHAT!"

"o……k……"

"Oh, and I'll tell you the information for the next contest at the church! Have a nice night!"

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AC: Well I'm finished this chappie! Did you like it? It took a long time to write!

Oh well, I don't have much to say…

OH YEAH!

I just remembered! I have a website now, but it's not quite finished, so I'll give you more info later! Good bye!


	3. Hair gel! what a gay title

Smexy Championship

**HUZZAH!** 1 REVIEW! Actually, I'm kinda upset, but I love with all my heart that 1 reviewer!

**HUUUUUUUGE WARNING: - The beginning of this chapter may not be that funny, but the second half is! I swear!**

But I have some sort of semi-good/bad news!

You see, this story, is 100 percent planned out, so I already know who wins, and how they do it!

It could be Kaiba though, so don't be worried to get your hopes up high! VERY HIGH! BWahahahahahahahahahahahaha! (?)

(Much too much info.)

But seriously, ANYTHING could happen!

Chapter3: Hair gel! (What a gay title)

"Mister Kaiba, the funeral starts in 3 minutes, I suggest you change… NOW!"

"WHY?"

(O.O) "…well…you can't go to a funeral wearing blue sir, it's disrespectful. You need to wear black. Now go put on the first black thing you find, you only have time to change once."

SNORT! "Whatever! I'm going, I'm going!"

Mr. Kaiba (bwahahahahahaha) got up from his chair, and headed to his room.

"Stupidfrickenmuttalwaysdieingatthemostinapropriatetimeseventhoughitwasmyfau"-

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Kaiba tripped over his shoelace and went flying into his bedroom wall. He caused a huge whole in the wall, so the electricity in his room went out.

"OH FOR THE LOVE OF SHIT!" he cried.

"Mr. Kaiba! 2 minutes left!" Shouted his butler from down the stairs.

"Ggggggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr…"

Kaiba pulled himself from out the wall, and made to get into his pitch-black room.

He headed over to the closet, and flung open the door.

"Black…black…? IT'S ALL BLACK!"

All his clothes were black, so he quickly put on the closest thing to him, and made a grab for his coat hanging on the chair.

"Mr. Kaiba! 30 seconds to go!"

"I'm coming!" Kaiba hurtled down the stairs and jumped (literally) into his limo.

And their off! Bwahahahahahahah (just had to put that in!)

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At the church:

"This is the saddest day of my life!" Yugi wailed.

(O.O) "Than why are you smiling?"

"Oh, well… I was looking for the glue gun, when I found grandpa's botox injector. I took it and accidentally botoxed my face." Yugi said as if that explained everything.

"Well, that answers one question… but raises many more."

"I'M HERE!"

Everyone turned to the voice. Of course, Seto just HAD to have a grand entrance.

Everyone's eyes fell out of their heads!

"KAIBA! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WEARING?"

"What do you mean?"

"Duke shoved Kaiba in front of a giant ass mirror that seemed to appear out of no where.

(P-E-C-U-L-I-A-R?)

(O.O) "Uh… OH!"

Kaiba stared at his reflection. He was wearing a pink frilly dress! It was adorned with a red bow on the front, and tones of purple flowers on the sides.

"WHAT THE HELL! HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?" Kaiba thought for a moment. "Of course! There is only one explanation for me wearing something like this! CAUSE I WOULD NEVER DO THAT!"

"What is it?"

"Well, it's quite obvious! When I went up to change, I tripped, not that I ever trip, on a sanctuary stone, which awoke Joey's spirit. He then came back from the dead, and made me go through the wall, at the exact point where My great great adopted uncle twice removed and step uncle at that, installed Benjamin Franklins first lightning rod. That of course, caused the electricity to go out. While I was out, he opened my drawers, and stuffed them full of lady's clothing, that he secretly stole! Some of which belonged to Serenity, because he is a sick pervert. Than, cause it was soooooo dark, I couldn't see anything, so of course, I picked the lady's clothing. Most unfortunately, I was running late, so had no time to look in the mirror.!"

(O.O) "Eh?"

"Once again, my brilliant mind has solved an insolvable problem!"

"Well, of course, that must be it! No other explanation could be right!" Mokuba shouted.

This somehow seemed to convince everyone, so they made their way into the isles. The church thingy mabobber was about to begin!

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I REALLY don't want to go into details.

If you want me to tell you what happened, ask me! And I'll write another chapter to tell you. (grin) : )

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At the after party:

"Well everyone, I hoped you enjoyed that sad event, but now, we need to discuss the next task!"

"Hooray!"

"Alright, we've already sold cookies, so now we are going to really start the "Smexy" contests. We will be judging who has the smexiest hair! Also, this time, you will be introduced to the judges, and they will make their first appearance into this story because the author completely forgot about them last chapter."

"HEY!"

"Just stating the facts."

"WHY YOU!"

"On with the story than!"

"I'll get you later!"

…

"You will have exactly 1 hour to perfect your Smexy hair!"

"Only that long?"

"YES! Now, without further ado, I introduce to you, the judges!"

(whistling)

3 lovely ladies walked out.

"This is Tea, Mai, and Serenity!" (Serenity isn't lovely, just so ya know! I HATE HER!)

"Hello!"

"Hi!"

"They will be doing all the judging from now on, so please BE NICE TO THEM YOU SICK TWISTED PERVERTS!"

(O.O) "O…K…"

"Now go home, and be at _TE GRANDE PARLURE_ tomorrow at 5pm! That's when the contest will start. You will each be given a haircutter and stylist, now… GO WAY!"

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"NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO…!"

A loud no could be heard through all of the northern equator. (I don't know what part he lives on!)

"This contest is going to be impossible to beat! Yugioh is obviously gonna win! I mean, even an idiot would know he has the most SMEXIEST hair in the world! What am I going to do? I can't even settle for second, because Mokuba is obviously gonna win that! I mean, he's got lovely fissure, raven long hair! And what do I have? BROWN HAIR! The colour of… SHIT! God damnit!"

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Just so ya know, I have dark brown hair too, and I think it's the most LOVELYIST hair colour out there. So no offence at all to brown haired people!

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Kaiba sat in his parlor once again, drinking his- (wrestling sounds) chocolate milk. This was one contest he couldn't use his money to beat. Or could he?

No he couldn't!

"Hmmm… It looks like my only option is to ruin Yugi, AND Mokuba. Although, I really don't want to hurt Mokuba, so I'll do something a _little _less intense. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Kaiba took another gulp of his chocolate milk, draining the cup. Than for absolutely no reason at all, he through it at the wall and called "OOOOOOOOh Moooooooookuba!"

"Yes?"

"Let's go for a walk even though it's 2:30 in the morning, I'm supposed to be sorting stocks, and I'm secretly a werewolf, so the moon will make me eat you."

(O.O) "What?"

"NOTHING! Let's just go!"

Kaiba and Mokuba exited the front door, and started walking down the street.

"Hey, would you look at that! It's the abandoned jail house they closed down last week! Let's go inside!"

Kaiba lead Mokuba into the building.

"Big brother! I don't want to be in here! It's scary. Can we leave?"

"NO!"

"Oh man…"

"Hey Mokuba! Why don't you take a look in one of these cells? They're really cool!"

"No. It's OK-AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGG!"

Before Mokuba could react, Kaiba shoved him intro a cell and locked the door.

"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Now I will win! Bwahahahahahahahahahaha! So long dear brother!"

Kaiba left the building, and threw the keys into the neighborhood volcano.

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OK, I'm putting this story on pause! I REALLY HAVE TO PEE!

000000000000

THAT'S fricken BETTER!

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ohhh! I just remembered something hilarious! My brother asked me what we do in the girls bathroom, and If it was sumo wrestling! In a sarcastic manner, I said no! We go in there to throw up! That's why we take so long! And that's why theirs always a shortage of paper towels! Because what else are we gonna use to clean up? (not answering that!). Than I go on even further and say, in fact, sometimes we have throw up parties, and order 10 toilets so we can all throw up together! It's so much fun!

Than my bro sort of shrank away from me, looking at me as if I were the most horrid thing in the world! But not before he laughed so hard

bwahahahahahahahahahaha

**THAT WAS EXTREMLY GAY AND POINTLESS! ON WITH THE FIC!**

**0000000000000000000**

"All right, is everyone ready?" Asked the king of the world.

"Yes!" The remaining contestants all chorused back.

Let's go over whose left. Duke, Yugi, Mokuba, Seto, Grandpa and I believe that's it!

"OK! I think we all know what this contest is about? THE MOST SMEXIEST HAIR! HOORAY! Now, when I say go, go into-NOT NOW YOU FRICKEN IDIOT!"

"But you said "go"". Protested Yugi as he ran towards the parlor.

(O.O) "You are such a fricken lesbian, Yugi, now come back here before I disqualify you!"

Yugi sulked back to the group.

"As I was saying, when I give the word, head over to the parlor, and go to your designated spots. You will have one hour to fix up your hair to your liking. The barbers are specifically chosen by me myself, and all have the same skill. So remember, no cheating, no-"

"Hey! Wait a moment! Where's Mokuba?"

(O.O)

A feint cough could be heard from Seto.

"Hmmm… I really don't know, but if he's not here by the time I say "that word", than he will be automatically disqualified!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

(O.O) "Why do you care Duke?"

"Ummm…well……… I don't know, it just seemed like a really good dramatic thing to do. You know, set the mood…"

"Riiiiiiiiight… Well, on your marks, get set…… GO!

A CROWD OF WILD CRAZY LUNATICS RAN INTO THE BARBER, TO BEGIN THEIR HAIR DRESSING!

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"Alright, my plan begins now! All I have to do is dress up like Yugi's barber, and ruin him! Bwahahahahahahahahaha! Hmmm… first, I'm going to need a pair of boxing gloves!"

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Why does Seto need boxing gloves? You'llllll never find out! Bwahahahahahaha! Actually… You'll find out in the next couple paragraphs!"

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"Ahhh! I'm going to be late! My client needs me to dress up his hair! I must hurry!" Yugi's barber was running madly down the hall, in desperate need to get to his client.

"OH NO! 3 minutes left! I won't"-SMASH! BANG! TWIST! CRUNCH!

"Mheh heh heh… Now I'll just shove him in this closet…"

Seto popped out from behind a corner, and punched the living daylights out of Yugi's barber.

"Bwahahahahahahaha! I'll be taking those!" Seto took off the unconscious barbers clothes and put them on.

(HOLY CRAP! THAT SOUNDS MORE WRONG THAN ANYTHING! Think about it… Seto knocked a person out, locked him and the other guy in the closet ALONE, and took off his clothes… SEESH!)

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"Hmmm… I wonder where my barber is?"

BANG!

"Oh Hello there!"

"Yeah, well, hi!" Mumbled the barber back to him. He had a really deep scratchy voice, that almost seemed forced.

"O…K… Ummm… I think my hair is pretty hot as it is, so could you maybe just wash it, and regel it? No trimming, just style.

"Hmph! Sure…!"

Yugi sat back in his chair, and closed his eyes. Now he could just rela-

SHRRRRRRRRRRRgrBBZZZZZZZZZZZ!

"What the- AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Seto took the razor and shaved off YuGi's hair right down the middle. And before Yugi could do anything else, he, fast as lightning, shaved the rest off."

"MY HAIR! MY BEAUTIFUL SMEXY HAIR! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Before Yugi could yell at him (snort), Seto ran out of the room, to his own barber.

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"OK! This is what I want done to my hair mortal! I want it SOFTENED! And, I want it to have a SWEET breezy affect, so it appears to be blowing ever so slightly in a gentle breeze. GOT IT YOU STUPID MORTAL! JAMINGA!

(O.O) "Ummm… O…K… Aren't you a mortal too, sir?"

"SHUT UP! Now get to work before I cut your tuppins in half!"

"Tuppins?"

( ) "YES! TUPPINS! They are the type of money used in the movie Marry Poppins! Remember when the old ugly lady was sitting on the stairs, and Marry was singing about a song to give tuppins to the lady so you could feed the birds. GOD!"

(I do not own Marry Poppins!)

"Yes sir, of course sir!"

"GOOD! Now get to work,.

"One more thing sir, why did you say Jaminga?"

(total death defying glare from Kaiba)

"Ummm… never mind sir…"

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"Alright! Let's see everyone's hair! Come on, the judges are waiting!"

All the contestants walked out into the main hall, and lined up against the wall.

Let's see everyone's hair:

Yugi: Bwahahahaha! Is there really anything to say? HE'S BALD!

Duke: same hair, new bandana (yes, it took an hour for him to pick a bandana, so when he finished, there was no time left to style)

Seto: softened, with a sweet breezy affect, so it appeared to be blowing slightly in a gentle breeze.

Mokuba: never showed up. I wonder why? (snicker…)

Grandpa: took off the bandana, and died his hair exactly like Yugi's! Well, like Yugi's previous hair style.

(O.O) "OK then… Hmmm… we will be awarding the contestants hair in numbers from one to ten. GOT IT?"

"Yes…"

"Alright, first up… DUKE! You get an 8!" Tea held up a giant 8.

"Hooray!"

"But he didn't do anything!"

"Yeah, cause he was so smart, he realized that his hair was perfect as it is!"

"Damn…"

"Next is Yugi… he gets a 4."

Sniff… "really, even though I don't have any hair?" Sniff…

"Yeah, well, obviously the barber who was trying to sabotage you was on drugs, or mentally retarded. Because he left some hair on the left side of your head!"

Sniff.. "Yeah, he DID seem kinda disabled…" (cheery smile.)

"Why you"- Seto started, but than stopped himself.

"OK, Mokuba gets a 0 for not being here!"

Seto made a similar gesture to Joey's, the one he made when he first got on stage.

"Ummm… Kaiba? Are you OK?"

"WHAT? Oh… why yes, yes I am! I'm just…uhhh…exercising!"

"Hey! I want to exercise too!" Yugi started copying the same move Kaiba was doing, which resembled humping air. "Am I doing it right?"

(O.O) "Dear GOD!" Was Kaiba's only reply.

"Well, anyways, grandpa gets a 10 because his hair is sooooo smexy! I mean, just look at those bangs!"

"WHAT! That's not even his natural hair!"

"Too fricken bad!"

Hmph!

"Now, last but not least, (well, maybe) is Seto!"

"Hooray! It's my turn!"

"OK, after great discussion with the other judges, we have finally agreed on a score."

"This is it…" Seto said to himself.

"We award Kaiba with a minus three!"

"Hoora- (O.O) –WHAT THE HELL? BUT MY HAIR IS SMEXY!"

Yeah, but Seto, you designed it to look like it was blowing in the breeze. The breeze in here is blowing east ward! While your hair is blowing west ward! That doesn't make sense! Your hair is unrealistic! So you get minus three! TOO POOPIN BAD FOR YOU! YOU SHOULD HAVE PAYED BETTER ATTENTION TO THE LAWS OF PHYSICS IN CLASS!"

"WHAT! I had a multi-billion meeting to attend to!"

"Well, that's your problem, ISN'T IT? BWAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"WHY I OUTTA!"

"Ha Hummm!" The king of the world cleared his voice very loud, so all attention was given to him.

"WHAT?"

"SHUT UP AND GIVE ME MORE RESPECT!"

Hmph!

"OK, well, normally the disqualified person would be that who has the lowest score, but this round can only have one disqualification. There for, it states in the rules, that if you fail to show up, your automatically disqualified. So without further ado, I declare that Mokuba is disqualified."

"Hooray!"

"But that means, I also Declare that this whole contest was a waste of time and we should have gone strait to the next contest, Oh well…"

(O.O) Seto is just about to be redder than a very ripe tomato. ( )

"Well, that's all for today! Meet me tomorrow at McDonlds for lunch! I will reveal the next circumstances there."

"McDonlds! But I hate McDonlds!"

"Yeah! It's not a place for a King like you! Shouldn't we go to a place grander?"

"TOO BAD! I lost all my money yesterday giving it away to orphans, so I'm broke! If it wasn't for those 99 cent deals, I would be dead! See you there!" (Actually, he got mugged by a hooker he tried to pick up)

"I……HATE……MCDONLDS!

(I do not own McDonalds, and I am not saying it's a dump!)

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AC: HOLY COW! THAT'S GOT TO BE THE LONGEST CHAPPIE I'VE EVER WRITTEN!

Sorry it took so long to update! But I have finally started like, three other stories, so I've been spending all my time there.

I got this really weird new keyboard and it' all wonky shaped. It's split in two and bent down the middle. It's kinda trivcky to tye ion.

Oh well……………..

OMG! MORE FRICKEN CHRISTMAS! I LOOOOOOOOOOVE CHRISTMAS!

LET'S SEE WHAT I GOT:

Money

Clothes

Manga

Go board

Lots of candy and so much opther stuff, I can't even remaber!

Wait…… UNDERWEAR! HOORAY!

Have a very nice day!... Or, er… night!


	4. Pobsticle course

Smexy Championship

Oops! Sorry about the tuppence thingy! I was never good at paying attention, aheh heh heh…(O.O)

Hurrah! I'm back! Back again! Guess who's back! Shadi's back! Bwaahahahahahahahahahahaha! Shadi…Bwhahahaha! That other Yugioh character instead of slim shady! I think that's how you spell it…I don't own or have any relations with slim shady, and no, he isn't used in this chapter!

**Hmmm…** NOPE! I'm not telling who's going to win! No matter what! If you truly love me (my story), than you will keep reading no matter what! Bwahahahaha! But don't be scared to keep your hopes up! Anything is possible (well, not really), and I love to keep my readers happy!

Next chapter is last chapter, so you will find out soon!

I looooooooooooove this story! I know a lot of people don't read it, but I laugh so hard while writing it! It's hilarious! And the best part is! It gets better! But I promise the sequel is going to be funny too! Maybe funnier! Well, the last chappie for sure! Here's a spoiler! The sequel has a REALLY BIG twist ending! Bweahahahahahaha!

Chapter 4: GO SMELL A CARPET YOU MOTH- (editor comes in and punches my mouth off.) I mean… the chapter title is called, (O.O) "Obstacle course?" What a lame title! Gosh! I'm losing my touch! (Actually, I just couldn't think of a good enough one!)

"SO! Who wants a hamburger?"

"I ate"-

"Who cares what you did! NOW EAT THIS!" The King of the world shoved a burger down Dukes throat.

"AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH! It burns!"

(O.O)

"OH shut up! No body likes a person that talks about them self Duke! _I'm dieing_ this, and _I'm burning_ that! I'm sick of it! You better change your attitude or you won't win!"

Everyone stared at the king as they made themselves comfortable around the table.

"Now… has anyone seen Kaiba?"

"Nope!"

Just then the door to Mcdnlds burst open with a giant flash of lightning, as rain poured through the entrance. An evil laugh could be heard coming from the dark sinister being at the door. The being took out his hand from his pocket, flashing a knife that seemed to be covered in something red. The face of the being was covered by a pinstriped hat, but the evil glow of his demonic eyes could be seen.

Everyone in the restaurant froze in fear, as they waited to what the murderous man would do next. Chop them in half… perhaps…

"FEAR ME!" He cried!

Everyone screamed and tried to duck under the tables, all except one.

"Something seems familiar about him…" Yugi got up, and headed over to the figure. "OH! I knew it! It's OK everyone! It's only Kaiba."

"I'm not Kaiba."

"Yes you are!"

"No I'm not!"

"Whatever! Now come on! I'm hungry!"

Just then, the doors to the bathroom opened, and a figure stumbled out. "I'm never eating 68 tacos again!" The figure clutched his stomach and looked at the seen before him. "What in the world?"

(O.O) "Seto? How did you get in the bathroom? You've been at the door with that bloody knife!"

"What? No, I've been in the bathroom the whole time!"

_Uh…oh!_

"Than who's that?"

"OH! Why, I don't know!"

"Hmmm… a new guy then, eh? Than I should be polite and give him a proper greeting." Yugi stepped back up to the evil guy and gave him a proper greeting. He bowed low, while taking off his hat in a grand swipe.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" The man cried upon seeing Yugi's … hairstyle. He ran out the door never to be seen again, or will he?

THAT'S IT! I'M MAKING A SANDWHICH! I'LL CONTINUE WRITING THIS IN THE NEXT HALF HOUR!"

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OK, reading this over, I have found it to be a very bad start, so I will be making it better from here forth!

"Already! Now, I would like to eat lunch before I explain the rules today, so I will tell you only one thing! It is an active activity, so you better hope you are fit! Now lets eat!"

_Hmmm…I could use this to advantage! Ok…the grandpa dude is obviously already not fit, Yugi's a shrimp that always gets picked last in gym, so all that leaves is…DUKE! I will make him unfit if it's the last thing I do! Bwahahahahahahaha!_

"Excuse me for a moment guys!" Kaiba got out from his chair, and made his way to the cashier.

"Hello, how may I help you?"

"Yes, I would like 60 triple deluxes, with chocolate bars instead of lettuce, 25 large French fries seasoned with fat than salt, and 2 large drinks of melted butter!"

(O.O) "I hope you're not planning on eating that with your other friends! It could kill you!"

"No, don't worry, me nor my friends are eating it… that guy is!" He jabbed a finger in the direction of Duke.

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"I'm back!"

"WOW! Are you going to eat all that Kaiba?"

"Of course not! I bought it for Duke!"

"But… I don't want anything to eat! And I never asked for anything!"

"HMPH! So… I do something nice for you, and you won't even accept it! You make me feel awful! Here I am, going out of my way to buy you a good meal, and you won't even eat it all, let alone try it! I'm insulted!"

Duke gave a nervous look towards the king of the world.

"You know Duke, Mr.Smexy Universe is supposed to be a nice generous man, but you're being mean to someone else! I'm telling you, if you want to win, you better change your attitude!"

Duke sighed in defeat. "OK Kaiba…I'll except your lunch…"

He took the tray from Seto, which just about brought him through the floor. "Ouch!"

"SHUT UP AND EAT!"

(O.O)

"Ummm… (cough,cough), I mean, please, take your time!"

30 minutes later:

"NOT THAT MUCH TIME YOU RETARD!"

"I'm sorry, but I'm really not hungry!"

"Oh, well in that case, I believe the only thing left to do is be a reasonable business man and-SHOVE EVERYTHING DOWN YOUR THROAT AT ONCE!"

Kaiba grabbed the tray of food, and shoved it in Dukes mouth. (Holy COW! Duke must have a really big mouth!) "Swallow damnit! Swallow!"

Unfortunately, Duke DIDN'T have a big mouth, so a large amount of pain was consuming him at the moment.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! It burns!" (choke choke choke)

"SHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTTTT UUUUUUUUUUUUUP and EAT!"

…

…

…

Everyone watched in amazement as Kaiba continued to shove food down Dukes throat. Would anyone help Duke?"

Obviously no.

GGGGGGGGGUUUUUUUULLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!

"AHHHHHHH! It HURTS!"

"Did you enjoy your meal?"

"NO!"

"GRRRRRRR! Well, I'm sure butter soda will make it better!"

"Umm, no! I don't think"-

"DRINK!"

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"Oh my god!" Duke said with a rather muffled voice. You may be wondering why it is muffled. Well, when one eats over twenty eight billion tons worth of calories, ones vocal tube gets stuffed with fat!

"Bwahahaha!" Now my fate is sealed! I will win!"

"OK! Now that everyone is finished eating, why don't I get into the next part of the contest?"

"That's a great idea Mr. King of the world!"

(O.O) "O…K… Well, as you know, it's an active activity! It will be an obstacle course!"

"HOORAY!"

"Oh no!" Groaned Duke. He could barely twitch his finger, now he had to do an obstacle curse!

"This obstacle course will be HORRIBLY difficult! And VERY long! Not to mention, uses lots of physical activity!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Screamed Duke.

"Mheh heh heh!" Laughed Kaiba.

"BUT! You will be doing it in partners!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Screamed Kaiba.

"Mheh heh heh!" Laughed Duke.

"Yes, and the partners will be chosen RANDOMLY! Or, to put it in scientific terms, by me! And here's the catch! The two partners that win this obstacle course will move on to the final round, TOGETHER!"

"This is shit!"

"Watch your mouth or I will have to fill it with shit!"

"Don't say shit to me!"

"But you just said shit!"

"I didn't say shit!"

"You just said shit!"

"What the shit are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about shit!"

"SHUT THE FRIGGEN SHIT UP OR I WILL DISQUALIFY YOU TWO SHITS!"

(O.O) "Sorry."

"Anyways, the obstacle course will start at five am tomorrow. It is located at the Hindikaui islands! You must be there or you will not win!"

"Ummm… sir, what if you're to poor to go all the way to the Hindikaui islands?"

"GOD YUGI! Stop complaining about being a hobo! Look at your grandpa! He's an even bigger hobo than you and he isn't complaining!"

"Actually, I have been complaining this whole time! But no one has been listening to me!"

"Who was that?"

sigh…

"Oh FINE! I'll book a plane for tomorrow, K?"

"Yippee!"

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Unfortunately, the plane crashed killing Yugi Mouto. But, fortunately, the plane left without grandpa so he is still alive.

"Well this puts a damper on things, doesn't it?"

"Sure."

"Now, we can't have partners!"

"Sure."

"It's so unfair!"

"Sure."

"Why do you keep saying that Seto?"

"Sure."

( . ) "Hmmm… will you be my bitch?"

"Sure."

(O.O) "Well, that worked inexcusably well!"

"Sure."

"Hey everyone! I arrived!"

"Seto? But you're standing right over here! How can that be you?"

"Oh, that thing? That's a life size robot of me I made, but it's a piece of crap because all it says is 'sure'."

(--) "That _is_ odd. But let's get down to business! Tomorrow morning, really early, you will go do that obstacle course over there. BEWARE! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

(O.o) "Ummm… it's only a tire course, some netting and a slide."

"BEWARE! BWAHAHAYHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" With that, the king of the world vanished in a swishing movement of his cape.

All the remaining contestants were stuck on this island for the rest of the day. (grandpa rolled there). Now, what could they (by which I mean Seto), do to kill time? Cheat of course!

While grandpa led Duke in a jog to help burn weight, Seto advanced to the obstacle course.

"Mheh heh heh! I'll just make an adjustment here, and here and Voila! I'm sure to win! Hmmm… I won't change grandpa's cause than if he comes in second, I'll have a better chance of winning! Hooray!"

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"OK! So, instead of partners, you will be doing it separately! Now, GO!"

() "Ummm… nobody is here yet, and the contest doesn't start for another four hours."

"Oh! Right! I knew that"

(--) "Whatever…"

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"Is everyone ready? Good! Now, on my mark, get set, GO!"

And they were off! The last three contestants running for their lives! Most literally too! Seeing as a pack of dogs was let after them.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

There were six dogs, and they were supposed to chase after each contestant in pairs. Giving each contestant two dogs to run from. Unfortunately, they all ran after the same person, that person being Duke.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Mheh heh heh!" Smirked Kaiba as he ran through his course.

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Kaiba's course:

Kaiba ran to the line of zigzagging tires.

"Piece of ca-WHAT THE HELL?"

Pieces of cake started flying at Kaiba from everywhere.

"OH MY GOD!" He screamed.

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Grandpa's course:

Grandpa headed toward the tires.

"Oh dear! My poor back can't handle all this exercise! I guess I'll have to be practical than."

Grandpa took out an ax and started cutting a nearby tree.

(O.O) How odd.

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Dukes Course:

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH! THIS IS THE WORSE PAIN I HAVE EVER EXPERIENCED! AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH MY LEGS! MY LEGS!"

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Kaiba's course:

Finally the flying cake had come to a halt, as well as he had finished the tires. Now he had to crawl under the netting.

"Pft! A little dirt never hurt anybody!"

He dropped to the ground and crawled under the netting which was maybe a quarter meter off the ground. It lay as a blanket across the field.

But once again, Kaiba spoke too soon.

All the dirt around him started blowing up. Wave after wave of dirt went EVERWHERE! And it really did hurt seeing as explosions were happening under Kaiba who was pinned to the ground by netting.

"HOLY SHIT!"

From far away: a person walking by would see dirt flying fifty feet high, than come crashing down, twice a second.

"MY EYES! MY EYES! It's sooo… DIRTY!"

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grandpa's course:

The log cutting was going nicely.

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Duke's course:

"Thank god that's over!" he huffed. "Now, I just need to climb up that mountain like the obstacle course says.

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Kaiba: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

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grandpa: chop chop chop

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Duke: now, it says I need to head into that volcano.

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Kaiba:

"I never want to see dirt again! But fortunately, all that's left is the slide. At least it doesn't have spirals!"

As Kaiba climbed onto the slide and started sliding down the flat surface, the ground opened up. Out of the ground came an extended version of the slide that had so many death spirals it would be impossible to count.

"DEAR GOD!"

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Grandpa: Fewf! Now it's finished! And I can get back to the obstacle course!"

Grandpa ran through the tires, crawled under the net and headed for the slide.

"WEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

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Duke:

"Can't…go…ON!"

Duke climbed to the top of the volcano somewhere in Hawaii and sighed. (more like hyper ventilated)

"TOO ……..FAT!"

He stood at the edge of the volcano and looked for the next obstacle course stage.

Unfortunately for him, the dogs caught his sent and were once again chasing him.

"no-AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

As we all know, when dogs chase after you, you tend to want to run away. As we all know, Duke was standing on the edge of a volcano. And as we all know, Duke was SO fat, that he has absolutely no balance abilities at all!

Need I explain more?

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"And the winner is Grandpa!"

"Ho Ho!"

Out of nowhere, Kaiba smashed into the ground.

…groan…

(O.O) "Where did you come from?"

"Hell."

"Oh, that would explain a few things. But anyway! We have our two winners! So, no matter what, Duke is disqualified! Grandpa and Kaiba go onto the next round!"

"Hooray!"

"By the way… where is Duke?"

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Duke:

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

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"Nowhere!" Kaiba stated quickly.

"Hmmm… normally such matters as a missing teen would be reported to the police, but seeing as no one really cares, I'll let this slide."

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Somewhere where no one else has ventured before:

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

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"Any who! Tomorrow is the big day! We get to find out who the smexy champion is! So get home and snuggle up!"

(O.O)

"What I meant was…Oh screw it! Just go home you wanna be losers!"

( . ) "HEY!"

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AC: OMG! That chappie is finally finished! It took sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo long to finish! I kept writing it, than putting it in halt! Major block!

But it's over and one more chapter to go! Yeah! Do you want a sequel? Depending on if anybody wants one, I will write it! I will eventually have one, but if no one is that interested, I will put it off a bit. I have like five other stories I'm working on!

Happy Fridays!


	5. Carpetsor some reason

Smexy Championship!

Guess what? I got review from chibiangelailesa and she said that I should make a sequel with girls! Olol! That's exactly what I'm planning to do! But… will it still have Seto in it! Bwahahaha! You'll love this idea!

I'll tell you about it at the end of this chappie! By the way, this is the final chapter of The Smexy Championship! Hooray! So proud!

Although…I feel bad because I have pretty much ignored it for alike a month! Oh well!(actually, longer...aheh heh heh)

I do not own Yugioh!

But I'm soooooooooo ezxcited because I'm gonna try out for the touyrnament rthingy! Maybe I'll win or get in eigth placwe! YEAH! But…probably not. Thjis is my first! Oh well!

Chapter five: Go Home You Ugly Baffoons! Or…The Eulogy

I love that title

"OK! So far, so good! Now all I have to do is beet that ugly old geezer and I will be proclaimed the most smexiest man in the world! Everything is falling into place!"

Once again we find ourselves in the parlor of the Kaiba mansion where a certain Mr.Kaiba is drinking chocolat milk, and watching his servants trying desperately to scrub off the pooh stains from the wall.

"WORK HARDER!" He yelled at them.

"But sir! The pooh is too strong for us!"

(O.O) "Do you have any idea how wrong that sounded?"

"Yes indeed sir! By the way,. Your-"

"SHUT THE HELL UP! YOU'RE A FAGOMETER! I DON'T TALK TO SHIT LIKE YOU!"

"That hurt sir…"

"Do I care?"

"Yes?"

"THAT'S IT! NO MUFFINS FOR YOU!"

"NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Kaiba sat back down in his big comfy couch and held the bridge of his nose. He was exhausted and needed his beauty sleep for the next task.

KNOCK KnoCK

"Would someone please get the door!"

…

"Anyone?"

…

"Someone?"

…

"The door?"

…

"Fine! I'll get it!"Kaiba stood angrily from his seat and marched the mile long hallway to his front door. When he opened it, he found one of the very judges for the Smexy Championship.

"Good evening Mr. Kaiba!" Said Mai in an overly dramatic voice. "I have come to tell you that you will be attending another funeral!"

"What! Who's?"

"Why, Mr Moutu's of course!"

"Yes! You mean grandpa died and I am the most smexiest man alive!"

"Huh? No! Yugioh's funeral!"

"Yugioh?"

"Yeah, that's the name of the tv show isn't it?"

"Ummm…so the TV show died?"

"NO!"

"So, you mean YUGI died."

"Who the hell is Yugi?"

"Never mind. But anyways… NO I WILL NOT GO! I HATE THAT GUY MORE THAN ANYTHING! IN FACT, WHEN THE FUNERALS OVER, I'M GONNA SPIT ON HIS GRAVE! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"

"Ummm…But in his will, Yugi asked you to give the eulogy!"

"WHAT! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Sorry toots, but a wills a way!"

"Don't you mean the pills the way?"

"SHUT UP OR I'M DISQUALIFY ING YOU! Now, have a nice day! And remember, the funeral is in two hours, so you better make a NICE eulogy. You know, the King of the world LOVES eulogies!"

"He does? What an odd think to like…"

(Eulogy: 1.a speech or writing in praise of a person 2. high praise 3. Usually given in name of a person who passed away. Done at a funeral.)

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(Yep! I'm including Yiugi's funeral! Bwahahahahahaha)

"This is horrible! Damn that Yugi! I swear when I go to hell, I'm gonn a give him a piece of my mind!"

Seto sat at his desk in a pikle of Q cards. "I don't want to write a eulogie for Yugi! To say all those nice things….EUGH!"

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two hourse later:

"Let the funeral begin!"

"I have a question. Didn't Duke die too? Shouldn't we give Duke a funeral?"

"NO! Duke thinks about himself all the time! He is so selfish! I'm dieing this and I'm disappearing that! God! It makes me sick!"

(O.O) "Ummm…OK."

"Now, where is Seto? He is supposed to give the eulogy! SETO!"

"What!"

"Go give the eulogy! we are all waiting patiently."

Serto (totaly intentional spelling error) grumbled up to the stand. The church was decorated in red, purple and yellow colors. All furniture and fabrics (including curtains) had been coated with leather. In the background, played :Yugioh Music to Duel By.

(I do not own Yugioh Music To Duel By)

Kaiba shivered as he took out his cards.

"Hello"-

"Booooooooooooooooooooooooooo!"

"HEY!"

"Sorry…"

"Anyways, I would first like to introduce myself. I'm Yugi's arch nemesis and I own Kaiba corp. and I am a thousand times greater than all of you. "

(O.O)

"Well… I decided to give the events of Yugi's life. Since, there really isn't anything good about him-OUCH!" (random flying cabbages from crowd)

"You can't dis the deceased Seto! Give the gosh damned Eulogy!"

"Fine! Ummm… I met Yugi at Domino high where I saw he had duel monsters, which I happen to work with quite a bit with my comp- OUCH!"

"The EULOGY!"

"Grrrrrrrr……Well, we dueled, and then the next da-OUCH! WHAT NOW!"

"Who won the duel?"

"……"

"Sorry, didn't quite catch that!"

"Yugi…" Seto mumbled bitterly. "The next day I kidnapped his grandpa. And stuff happnened, than I won a duel against him in duelist kingdom than he died. The end!"

"HEY! That was the worst Eulogy in the history of Eulogies!"

"Yeah! What kinda stuff happened?"

"What the hell is Duelist Kingdom?"

"FINE! THAT SHRIVELED BASTARD BEAT WEEVIL, BEAT MAI, BEAT THE GOUL, BEAT MAKO, BEAT PEGASUS, BEAT THE EXECUTIVES, BEAT MIND CONTROLLED FREAKS, BEAT ARCANA, BEAT BAKURA, BEAT MARIK, BEAT DARTS, BEAT VALON, BEAT RAPHAEL, BEAT JOEY, BEAT NOAH, BEAT GOZABURO, BEAT STRINGS, BEAT DUKE, BEAT LEON AND WON MY GODDAMNED FRICKEN BATTLE CITY TOURNAMENT! THAN, AT NIGHT HE WOULD HAVE INTIMATE RELATIONSHIPS WITH HIS OTHER HALF, THAT ARE TOO DIRE TO REPEAT WHAT THEY DID, AND DURING THE DAY HE WOULD MAKE LOVE WITH HIS DEAD FRIEND JOEY AND CHEAT ON TRISTAN! HE WAS ALWAYS HOMOSEXUAL SO TEA NEVER HAD A CHANCE! AND FRANKLY, THE LOOK OF HIS HAIR MAKES ME PEE MY PANTS EVERYTIME I LOOK AT HIM! WHY ELSE WOULD I WEAR LONG COATS! **HAPPY?**!"

All around, people were sobbing into eachothers arms.

"Oh what now?"

"Seto!" The King gasped. "That was beautiful! So much e-emotion!" He wiped away a tear. "Yugi would've been proud! WAAAAAAAAaHHHHH!"

A giant sweat drop escaped Seto's head.

"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"

"Church dismissed! SETO! GRANDPA! Be at the theatre rose in two hours! The Smexy tournament will continue there!"

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"Gather round! The final contest is about to begin! This is the most hardissest, the most confusingest, the most smexiologist contest ever! "

"You do realize half of the words you said don't exist?"

"SHUT UP! As I was saying, the next contest is the very fashion show itself! Truly the smexiest fashion show in all of the world!"

"Ooooooooooooooooo"

"Yes! Whahahaha!"

"Isn't it Bwahahahaha?"

"God damnit! Who is this guy that keeps correcting all my motives?"

"Ummm… that's Tristan. He's been doing that since chapter one."

"So! A sore loser are we?"

"N-No…"

"Com here, I have a present for you."

"Really? What is i-AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

…………

"Where did you send him? The shadow realm?"

"Shadow realm? What the hell is that? I sent him to my bedroom!"

(O.O)

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In the King of the World Bedroom:

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Yelled Trisatn as he fell with a crash onto the floor. "Hey! It's roomy in here! BAKURA! What are you doing here?"

"I don't know! I was making a diaramma and all of a sudden, I was forced into pajamas and playing truth or dare."

"Sounds like you had a sleepover."

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"OK folks! The rules are simple! The remaining two contestants have one hour to dress up in the smexiest outfit they can find, than strut their stuff on the stage! Like a beauty pagent! Costumes will be kept secret until they final performance! Ready…GO!"

Grandpa and Seto ran back home to find something to wear.

"OK. This will be easy! I have billions of dollars at my disposal! So I can get any sort of outfit I want. Now…the only question is, what type of outfit do I wear?"

Seto spent half an hour deciding what to wear.

"Oh My GOSH! It's so simple! what' the most smexiest type of outfit in the world? LEATHER! I'll wear a leather outfit just like what Yugi use to wear, but I'll add my own personal bling bling to it! YEAH!"

Kaiba dialed up his cellphone and asked his personal groomer for his smexy outfit.

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_Half hour later:_

"OK! The final presentation is about to begin! Everyone take your seats!"

The theatre was decorated aqua and silver. All one thousand seats were occupied. People from all around the world came to watch the Smexy Championship finals. Unfortunately, none of them were alowed to cross the border because imagration had incresed by 230.

Music played and lights flashed. It was going top be the greates show ever! (But they say that every year)

"Lady's and gentleman… and Serenity too"-

"HEY!"

-"All a round the world people gather to watch the finals and find out who the Smexiest man alive is! Now…who will it be? The infamous Seto Kaiba. Or the elderly Solomon Motu!"

(I know that his name is Sugorokousssiihinta or something, but too bad!)

"WELCOME! To the Smexy Championship of 1964!"

"Ummm...Mr. King sir...?"

"Shut up Bob! I'm doing the commentary!"

(--)

"Our two contestants have dressed up in the smexy outfit of there choice, and will be entering the stage shortly. Now, who has my popcorn?"

The King of the World grabbed a bag of buttery bubbles popcorn from a kid sitting in the stands. "HEY!"

"Too fricken bad! Yum, popcorn. (munch munch munch) SPIT! WTF? This popcorn tastes like bubbles!" "That's because it's Mr.Bubbles magic boobles popcorn!"

(O.o) "you know what...forget I asked."

All of a sudden, weird dun dun dun music came on, you know, the one that goes "Are you ready for this?" Lights flashed on the stage and the curtain fell back. A figure stepped out. He was shriveld, short, gay and in desperate need of a shave.

"Hey, I see Seto, but where's grandpa?"

"What the heck! I'm not gay shriveled and"-

"Wait a second. How do you know you were called those things? That part was narrated. No one said it aloud."

"Uhhh...well, you see... I love you?"

"SHRIEK! I knew it! Seto does care!" A randam guy from the audience jumped out an stage and started rubbing Seto's legs. "OH MY GOD! It fricken burns! Get it off! GET IT OF!"

"Sir, you're coming with us." Said the overly muscled sexy body guards who didn't have any shirts. "But we love eachother." Cried the randam man.

"Oh, well in that case, have a lovely wedding." Every single person in the theatre turned on the spot and left. The lights turned off, and a cricket sounded.

"Hello?" Seto asked uneasily.

"Mheh heh heh... now we have the whole place to ourselves." Whispered a seductive voice in Seto's ear.

"EAGADS!" Seto screamed as he awoke. "Wow, was that a dream?"

"Yeah, you fell asleep randamly in the middle of the stage just when you were supposed to be modeling your smexy outfit. God Seto. You're too randam. You shouldn't be Mr. Smexy Universe. You should be more sane, like the author who wrote this story."(points to me)

(let it be noted, that when the story ended, the man who said that was passed fifty dollars behind the scenes)

"NO! NO! I can be smexy! Look, I'll go right now!" Seto bolted onto the stage. He was wearing a giant poncho. "What the hell? You look like the guy from the empereors new groove, named poncho."

"Shit off!" Seto unzipped his poncho (?) and threw it off into the croud (where it burned and melted live human beings). "Ah ha! Look at my smexy outfit!" Seto struck a pose that could kill a god. Alot of people vomited.

"Holy cow!" Shouted the king of the world. "That's gotta be the smexiest outfit I ever sawed! Folks, he's wearing leather pants and a leather tanktop studed with diamnonds! And it's atleast three times too tight! Just look at that poofy hat!"

"That's right mortals!" Shouted Kaiba to the croud while pouncing around on stage, "Soon, I will be proclaimed the most smexiest man alive!" Bwahahahaha"

"Oooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"

From the deep dark corners of the curtains, stepped out grandpa wearing a Seto Kaiba patented purple trenchcoat.

"You're too late old man!" Shouted Seto over his shoulder. "My outfit is way to smexy for you to beat now!"

"YEAH!" the crowd shouted. All of a sudded, for no apparent reason, the whole theatre went quiet. "Now now seto. You can't be serious," started grandpa making his way to the center stage," afterall. you stole Yugi's look. You think you can rip off Yugi's fashion sense of leather quality when"-Grandpa tore off the trench coat he was wearing-"WHEN I TAUGHT YUGI EVERYTHING HE KNOWs ABOUT LEATHER! HOHOHO!"

"HOLY SHIT!" cried the crowd! "Now thast's smexy!"

Grandpa revealed himself wearing the most kinkiest outfit ever created. It was at least ten times too tight, completly formed out of leather, the bottom was no longer than underwear, and the top was nothing but straps and wips notted together. His neck even had a "Yo Gramps" necklace. And a giant keychain hung from his wrist that looked like a paddle.

"Folks, I think we have a winner."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Cried Kaiba.

"Yes, it's decided, Soloman Motou, congratualtions. You are officaly Mr.Smexy Universe!"

"Hooray!"

"Untill someone steels your crown next year and throws you off a bridge."

"What was that?"

"NOTHING!"

And they partied all night giving grandpa piggy back rides. Not because they love him, just because his new title enables him to have slaves.

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"DAMNIT DAMNIT DAMNIT DAMNIT DAMNIT! Foiled again! This can't be! I am a bazziliion times more smexy than grandpa! I'LL GET MY REVENGE SOMEDAY! I VOW IT! BWAHAHAHAHA!"

Kaiba sat back down in his parler chair. "Hmmm...I can't help thinking that I'm forgetting something."

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In a jail cell not too far away.

"Hello? Big brother? Is anyone there? Helloooooo?"

THE END!

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AC: Holy bageepers! So sssssssssssooooooooooooooorry it took so long to finish. my computer broke and i didn't want to rewrite this. So what if I'm lazy! HUH HUH HUH!

I love youi too! 3

I guess I'll see you in the sequel? Or will I? Bwahahahahahaha

Cio


End file.
